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Current Music:"ignorance" paramore
Subject:it's not a war, no... it's not a rapture... i'm just a person...
Time:04:02 am
Current Mood:nostalgicnostalgic
Okay, so I'm trying to start posting again. It may not be much, but screw it. This is my journal. Might as well continue the chronicle.

So I'm currently unemployed. I start my new job at Hewitt on the October 1st. That will mean I've been unemployed for a grand total of two and a half months. It sucks, but I never anticipated that I would have to wait for this job to start for 7 weeks. Oh well, my mistake. But I'm employed again, at least for 3 months. If I'm lucky I'll get (at the absolute least) the extended 11 month contract. One can only hope.

I've got a new car. It's a sweet ride. Honda Civic Hybrid. Really nice. Got it form Car Max. I have to thank my mother who not only helped me get the car, but has not paid one of the payments. Actually, right now being unemployed wouldn't normally be so bad considering that Christopher will "works" for Comcast. Except that he's not working right now. He's actually out right now because his doctor told him he coulnd't work. So he's had a proceedure to determine what the hell is wrong. In the meantime Liberty Mutual denied his short term disability claim. I don't know how the hell insurance companies get away with it. I mean, a family practitioner and a specialist in his feild told Christopher that right now working is not a good idea and yet Comcast and Liberty Mutual's RN seem to think otherwise. So right now we're in the process of appeals, but that means Christophr hasn't gotten a paycheck in like 9 weeks. Real pain in the ass.

Oh well.

Won $20 in the powerball on Saturday's drawing. Not that it means much. I mean, it's nice, but we spend $8 a week (when we have it) on tickets. It'll help. I guess it's a silly pipe dream to constantly play the powerball, but I'm spending a couple of bucks a week to dream and hope. You can't win big money if you never take a gamble.

I'm back into TV. It's kind of crazy. Deadliest Catch, Burn Notice and Warehouse 13 over the summer. Smallville and Supernatural in prime time. Then there are the staples of our household: Iron Chef America, Good Eats, No Reservations, Mythbusters, and a few other Discovery and Food Network programs. New love in the house is the campy yet oddly satisfying What Would Brian Boytono Make? That's correct, Food Network gave Brian Boytano a TV show and used the South Park song as the opening theme. You have to see it if you haven't yet. It's piss your pants funny.

Gaming goes along as usual. Christopher and I have transfered from Dark Embrace to Fair Escape. I know it's a stroke of irony, but the timing was just right. After banging my head against a wall in an unenjoyable and unfulfilling gaming experience for the last two years... it was time for a change. So we've changed. I'm actually really relishing the opportunity to help build the place from the ground up. It's been a lot of fun and I look forward to the next several months. Trin and I have some good strong plans and it looks like we've finally gotten the DST on board (I hope).

AFO was great again this year. I was a little stressed out during the weekend... then again I'd just been fired. Thankfully I used the free time to focus my efforts towards the con and I really boiled some things down. I have now broken the Defense Against the Dark Arts-like curse on the Volunteer Coordinator position. I've fulfilled 3 years in the position and I'm moving into my fourth. I'm retardedly proud of it.

Christopher and I are getting married at the end of the this year (hopefully). We may not be able to sign the paperwork when we have the "wedding" if he hasn't gotten all of his bankrupcy paperwork out of the way. Again, oh well. I'm not concerned.

That's everything. Pardon the spelling errors or flat out disregard for spell check.

comments: 3 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Subject:all i want for christmas is you...
Time:06:23 pm
Current Mood:i don't know

I'm getting a new phone. I was looking online to see if I could upgrade Chris' phone and find out how much it would cost. Well, turns out the phone he wanted only comes in metalic pink and can only be purchased online and even with a $230 discount was still going to cost $99. So I couldn't get him the phone I wanted to for Christmas, but I was able to upgrade my Katana II for a Rumor by LG. It's one of those spiffy phones with a keyboard and it's supposed to have mp3 capabilities, but I am going to have to buy a microSD memory card. They don't come with much internal memory. I know SD cards are the ones you use in PSPs. I need to find out wtf a microSD card is and how much money that's going to cost me. Other than that I'm happy!

Happy Christmas to me.

comments: 2 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Subject:So it just had to be said....
Time:12:59 am
Current Mood:ecstaticecstatic
Yes we can!
Now that I've gotten that out of my system. Yes I cried like a little girl. I am so proud right now. I have hope for my future again. I think that's what we needed. The youth of America have spoken, and I know there are people out there who will nay-say and tell me that youth is blind and age will tell me different, but I lost what little money I had in my 401K. I can't imagine what that would have been like if I'd had thousands saved. I believe we need change. I believe Barack Obama can make that change.

Yes we can.
comments: 2 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"100 ways to be a good girl" skunk anansie
Current Location:home
Subject:i know one hundred ways to be a good girl... one hundred ways... my willingness to please...
Time:12:20 am
Current Mood:pissed offpissed off
I’m really not happy with Comcast.

It started off as a really fantastic place and went downhill really quickly. The most recent frustration is the newest shift bid. They’ve gotten more and more difficult to stomach. Looking at the bright side, every bid that passes our ranking gets higher and higher as more people walk out in disgust. The insult this time around was the amount of shifts that don’t have two consecutive days off: 28 out of 39 shifts are splits. In some cases they schedules are two days on, one day off , three days on, one day off.

I’m sick. I’m disgusted. I’m insulted. And what’s more, they don’t give a fuck.

The people that run this company don’t care. What’s worse, I don’t have options. I have no degree. A sketchy work history before 2 years ago. I don’t want to jump ship too soon and screw this up and end up in the unemployment line, but at the same time I *HATE* this job. Pay and benefits aside, they don’t care. This shift bid is just another nail in the coffin and soon they’re going to run out of nailing room...

I don’t know what my options are, and I didn’t rank that badly in the call center. I was 125 out of about 270 or so. Give or take 10. So I’m still in the top 50%, but it’s just gotten so bad around here. There’s no job security. More than half the supervisors don’t give a damn about the agents. HR is mostly a bunch of incompetents and what they do try for they fail at, miserably. In one case, they tired to help and ended up just rubbing salt in the wound. Resource Management runs the call center. We don’t have half the management people we need b/c as the positions open up, they don’t get filled b/c the center “doesn’t have the money” but the same problem happens with the agents. When Chris and I started at Comcast there were more than 300 agents in the center. On the last shift bid we ended up under 250. Now the only reason we’re over that is b/c they hired three training classes worth of temps.

After much ranting and raving what does it all amount to? Not a whole hell of a lot. I’m no longer happy with my job. I don’t feel safe there. I don’t feel comfortable. I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything. I need to choose if I’m going to keep doing this or not. I may put my feelers out and find out if there’s something else out there for me. Aetna turned up nothing. I have another job that I can apply for and find out if they’re hiring.

We shall see...

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Current Music:"mizerable" gackt
Current Location:the love seat
Subject:turn, turn.... inside the time that left me behind...
Time:06:25 pm
Current Mood:contentcontent
According to Alton Brown I have the potential energy of a thermo-nuclear device. What he really means is I'm fat. Lol.

Anyway. Hello again. Chris and I got our sofas today. Now our living/dining area is almost complete! We just need to get a dinner table and the bulk of the work will be done. Decorating will be the only thing left. I've decided to move the book shelves from the office upstairs to the spare room downstairs. Then we'll need the bed from IKEA, one of those bunk style beds, with no bottom bunk.

But I digress. AFO is less than a week away. I'm pretty much done on the schedule. I have a few more days to finalize the schedule for night events and make sure I've given everyone equal or mostly equal hours. I'm excited... and more importantly, I'm almost done.

Finally. I'm glad to have cable! Chris and I (aside from our regular night time duties) have spent a great deal of time watching recrorded episodes of Good Eats, Mythbusters, and Dirty Jobs. Those are the favorites in our home. Everything else is just sort of crap, but there in case we want to watch it.

All in all, life is good. As a rare and real treat instead of just my mother and brother coming up for AFO, by father will be joining them. It is after all the weekend of his birthday and tho he's been pretty solemnly promised he'll be ignored for the weekend, we are taking him to dinner on Friday night. He'll be some age that's really close to 50. I love my papa and can't wait to see him.

Now I'm off to Cam Mage. Every 2nd & 4th Friday night, 8PM in the UCF Breeze Way.

Wish me luck,
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Current Music:"life is beautiful" sixx:am
Current Location:my home office
Subject:there's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home...
Time:12:09 am
So, today was fun. Chris and I went and got some sushi. We picked up some White Wolf books and in the process found something very interesting... Marvel came out with an Anita Blake series. I'm a little pissed that it's Marvel. I think they would have been better off with Vertigo or Dark Horse. But that's just me. It's actually really good, and very pretty. In other news, we picked up some game books. Total we got Fall of the Camarilla, Carthians, WoD: Book of Spirits, Changeling core rules, Rites of Spring, and Daeva. I'm kind of excited. We got a couple of other things too considering that we started at Bad Apple Comics (that didn't have anything), then we went to Barnes and Noble (they didn't have anything), so we finally stopped at Sci-Fi City. I don't like going there, but compared to two years ago they've got a damn good selection and they seem to be the only supplier in the city keeping the shit in stock. Finally, when we got home we had leftover sushi and our new cookware that we ordered from amazon waiting at the door. Happiness is All-Clad Copper Core!

And now for something completely different: 10 days straight of work! I'm not looking forward to it or Saturday night. But once it's done Christopher and I will have a better schedule! Hooray!
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Tags:, , ,
Current Music:"handlebars" flobots
Current Location:Home with a captial "h"
Subject:look at me, look at me, driving and i won't stop! and it feels so good to be alive and on top...
Time:10:35 pm
Current Mood:enthralledenthralled
It’s been a while but here I am.

I’m hoping to maybe start updating more often. I’ll never be as bad as I was in 2002-2003, but maybe once every week to two weeks would be better. I mean, I’ve got some many good things going on in my life now. A few more updates are probably in order.

So I’m at work right now (tho by the time this hits the web I’ll be at home). I’m actually on the phone warm transferring a customer to a billing agent... and she hung up. Skip ahead and I’m taking another call. But I digress. So what’s good in my life?

News Flash #1:
Christopher and I hit our first anniversary. July second. One year. We worked. We were broke. It was nothing special, except that I was with my baby. We spent some time together after getting out of work. That was the most special part.

News Flash #2:
I quit smoking! It’s been more than a month now. Technically the 21 day mark is the most important. The next milestone will be one year. Either way. It’s really exciting for me. Does this mean I’ll never smoke again? Probably not. Does it mean Christopher will never smoke again? Probably. He seems to have a harder time of it. For me, I’m just trying to put as much distance between myself and cigarettes as possible before I get into any casual smoking again. Going back to game will be the big test.

News Flash #3:
I’ve been with Comcast for 1 year! It’s had its ups and downs. I must admit the first six months, nay the first nine months were great... the problem has been in the last few months. I don’t want to get into details, but I hope that things getting better from a management perspective because bad business decisions have been effecting my job and the jobs of about 300 other people. Not to mention making quite a few Comcast customers miserable. Moving on... it’s been one year. I’m hanging in there. It can only get better!

News Flash #4:
I finished my first college course back at school! My next step is to take two of them back to back. On a similar note I’m actually in a place in my life with some savings in the bank that I can pay for my education out of pocket. I mean, loans will help in a pinch. If I need to, I can shell out the cash for my classes out of savings and then get tuition reimbursement from my employer for any classes I’ve passed at the end of the semester. Comcast has already approved my degree. Life is good. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside knowing this.

Those are the really big things in my life. There are other little things. I’m working on my business on the side. I’m going to save up a little money and get my business license and my name copyrighted. I’ve also got an idea about how to make startup capital. I need $500 to start. I can go from there. Then I need the time.

I still have my kittens. They’re sweeties. I’ve come to the realization that they’re probably both really old! At least 7 years on Saturn. Venus may be a year or two younger. Either way. My babies are still with me. I’ve thought long and hard about what’s going to happen after they die. What I’m going to do. I’ve decided I don’t want more. My kitties are like family. They came to me rather organically, I didn’t go looking for them so when they’re gone, I’m not going to just “replace them.” Chris and I will probably just wait till we get a house then go get a dog!

I just did a double header with Chris. We went and saw Hancock (which was okay) then Batman (which was fucking phenomenal). Now we’re going downstairs and will be watching Wanted in the living room. We were gifted with a damn good copy the other night. We’re watching it tonight in the event that we don’t get to it tomorrow. We still have to watch Hellboy II tomorrow. *sigh*

So I hope you all are doing well. I’m going to make more popcorn...

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Current Music:"misery business" paramore
Current Location:not home anymore
Subject:woa i never meant to brag... but i got him where i want him now...
Time:06:43 pm
Current Mood:bouncy

I went to make a post a couple of months ago, ended up with a SUPER long post and lost it in an accidental browser close. So it's been a while...

I'd just like to give everyone an update on my life thus far. Chris and I are six months strong and getting stronger every day. It's a wonderfully healthy relationship when I've had a slew of really shitty ones. I love him so much. He lifts me up, I lift him up... bla bla bla, mushy stuff!

So good news so far. I'm back in schoo. I start with one class starting next month. I'll be getting my AA or AS (I don't remember which) from Valencia Community College. I'll be studying Business Management with a direct feed into UCF becuase it's not a restriced program. There's also the possibility that I'll spend a little extra time at VCC and also get my AAS in Small Business Management. Those may transfer over as electives to the UCF business program and it will give me my specialization in Small Business.

I've been with Comcast for 6 months as of Monday. Doing well there. It's a call center job but it's one I'm enjoying. I'm trained as High Speed Internet tech support. I'll be getting cross training in Video troubleshooting, Digital Voice (the Comcast phone service), and maybe billing. I'm also hoping to move off the phones and into a job in the training department. I've put my bid in, my Supervisor knows I want it. The training department knows I want it. Hopefully something opens up before the second half of the year. Things are looking up though. And the benefits are awesome.

Speaking of Comcast benefits... I JUST BOUGHT MY FIRST NEW CAR!!! It was earlier than I wanted to get one. Chris and I were thinking about buying a new one in a couple of months becuase his car isn't doing well and we poured four grand into it. Then his car almost didn't start about half a dozen times in the last two days. So we bit the bullet and signed the papers. I am now the proud owner of a seventies retro green Ford Focus "green line". Manual tranny , which is funny becuase I don't know how to drive one so I couldn't drive my new car off the lot. And thanks to Comcast we took about $1,000 off the sticker price and got $1,500 from Ford for the down. We put $1,200 down. I'm happy. Chris is teaching me to drive it tomorrow.

Then there's the really great news: we're moving! After all the bull here at Country Place, I just found out they're changing the management. They want more money for my shitty little apartment. So we're moving. We got apporved at a place in Metro West, right next to Jake and Lana acutally. It's three bedroom, two and a half bath, three story town house. Washer/dryer hook-ups so we can get our own appliences. Chris used to work at Applience direct so he's thrilled. The first floor is a garage. Living, dining, kitchen & one bed on the second floor. Third floor is two beds and two full baths. We're being greedy and keeping the third floor all to ourselves. Guest room on the second floor. We're giddy.

So that's my life. It's turnign around. Even with moving expenses an emergency car issue came up and we could afford it. It'll be tight for the next couple of months. But we've saved, so we're okay!

And that's my update.
Love you all, whoever's out there.
comments: 4 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:pirate stoof
Current Location:work
Subject:hoist the colors...
Time:01:56 am
Current Mood:productiveproductive

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colors high.
Heave ho,
thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

The king and his men
stole the queen from her bed
and bound her in her Bones.
The seas be ours
and by the powers
where we will we’ll roam.

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.

Some men have died
and some are alive
and others sail on the sea
– with the keys to the cage…
and the Devil to pay
we lay to Fiddler’s Green!

The bell has been raised
from it’s watery grave…
Do you hear it’s sepulchral tone?
We are a call to all,
pay head the squall
and turn your sail toward home!

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the Colors high…
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die.
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Current Music:"one & only" timbaland feat. fall out boy
Current Location:crowne plaza
Subject:everything i love about you is a mess...
Time:01:19 am
Current Mood:blahblah
here i am again...

at the end of another long relationship, a few days from what would have been a year. he gave me a second chance. i gave him a second chance. but at the end of it all what was left? what was the price of a year?

no one should have to go through what we went through. shaun and i moved in together within a month of starting our relationship. that was nice... but inevitably, it screwed everything up. i thought a little distance might help. i'd like to think he did too, but at this point i don't know what the fuck is going on in his head. i only wish i did. but would it have helped? i don't know.

all i know is this: it wasn't enough. nothing either of us did was enough.

i wanted him around more. i wanted him to try more. my biggest complaint was that i was always kept at arms length. he kept telling me "we're not married." like it meant that he didn't have to let me in, or try, or care about what i thought. but after a year..? i still didn't even rate total honesty. everything was always in a veil of secrecy. and he wasn't really around much either. i mean, when we lived together there's only so much distance you can create. but even then he was distant. and afterward? forget about it! i never fucking saw him after i moved in. then a month later he comes out and apologizes. says he "ruined a perfectly good thing" because he was scared. that didn't stop him from ruining it a second time around.

for some absence makes the heart grow fonder. for me a month and a half is too fucking long to not see the person that you love. especially when you can fucking help it. i guess a month and a half didn't mean anything to him. wait that's right, i shouldn't assume anything about the way he thinks or feels cause i don't know shit about it! most people would say that's not right in a relationship. i'd be inclined to agree with them. but it's not like i didn't fucking try here.

so at the end of the day (or year) what do i have? what's left for me? what do i walk away with?

well, the knowledge that i BLEW a couple grand that i could have saved on myself but instead spent on food, gas, groceries, laundry, and goodies for him. the knowledge that yet another one fell through the cracks. that for the second time i've loved a loser and defended him when no one else would only to realize that everything everyone warned me about turned out to be true. i realize that again i've put in more of myself than the other person did. that i cared more, or at least seemed to. that once more i've surpassed another human being. i have drive! i have ambitions! i'm willing to work hard to achieve them. and once more it was not a shared expectation.

what else do i have? memories.

good memories. some that i won't share because my mother does read this journal. but fond ones nonetheless. dinner at the argentinian steak house. breakfast... every day we ate it. dunkin donuts. game nights. and what time we did actually spend together. lounging around the house. going to the movies. those little times when it was just us.

i'm not going to lie. i miss them. i miss him. i love him a great deal and only time will heal this emptiness i feel. i wish it didn't have to end this way. i wish to goddess that he'd done something... anything... to convince me that i should still care. still love him. still wait by the phone. if he'd just tried. i would. if he'd just acted like it meant anything i would. but justifying yourself doesn't make me believe you give a damn.

i love him, but i won't hurt anymore. i won't watch the days go by and measure them in absence instead of anticipation. i don't want to spend the rest of my life looking forward to the time we won't spend together. so i won't. i won't think of him. won't remember him fondly until later on, when i doesn't hurt to think of him anymore.

i wish i could say i wasn't crying. i am. something will make me cry. something little like the 20 or so mini orange juices i've got stocked in my fridge that i saved just for him. or the fact that his birthday's tomorrow. and our first anniversary is in four days. i know i'll cry. i know i'll miss him. i know i'll think of something that should make me smile and cry instead because it will never happen again. i know i'm crying right now.

love's funny like that. but i've always held to the idea that "the more you hurt. the more you loved." call me crazy, but that's what i believe.

now, less into the ether. more to shaun:

i want my key back. i took my card off your WoW account. i miss you. i love you. i tried.

if you take nothing from any of what i've just said then take this... i still believe in you! i know you could accomplish a great deal. you just need to want to try. just trying won't be enough. you have to want to succeed in order to do it. i know you can. and even after everything in the past year that's led to this day i still have faith in you. i believe in you if you would only believe in yourself.

yours truly... if only for a year,
the bearer of broken hearts and broken souls
comments: 12 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"earth to bella" incubus
Current Location:i've got one foot out the door
Subject:i bear the burden... of being the voice that lets you know... we all grow old...
Time:01:46 am
Current Mood:ecstaticecstatic
hey all...

so who wants to help me move? i got my move in date for my brand new, very own apartment and i'm gonna need some help moving my shit. anyone who's not afraid to get really dirty would be great. i unfortunately can't offer anything in return to for your help... that's because i'm doing to be broker than broke. but i'd love anyone who'll help anyway!

please let me know if anyone can help. or call.

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Current Music:"the pros & cons of breathing" fall out boy
Current Location:the place i won't be much longer...
Subject:woa... want to hate you half as much as i hate my... self...
Time:08:23 pm
Current Mood:hyper
so... an update after a long silence.

things are good here. still with shaun. eight months and still counting. we've had our ups and downs. but i think things are on the up and up and will only get easier with time.

getting my own apartment soon. the 21st of feb at the earliest. 10th of march latest. we'll see. also, rhonda's moving in with me for the first few months b/c she's not sure she's gonna have anywhere to go by the end of the month. so that's there too.

went and saw dir en grey at the house of blues last week. it was fucking amazing!!! you have no idea. i was breathing the same air as these fuckers. pre-ordered their new CD (marrow of a bone) from FYE. and i got two posters... one of them signed. i gave that one to ilana. i need to frame the poster with my ticket and pre-order stub. but they were fan-fucking-tastic.

doing a j-rock panel at megacon. i'm having a hell of a time finding any solid information on the history of j-rock. i know more now then i *ever* did about the history of modern japanese music, but all my information lists from the mid sixties to the late seventies... after that i have NOTHING until the late nineties. it's strange. i guess i'll just have to keep looking. anyone know of any good jrock/visual kei bands - that are fresh - i should talk about?

i've been in a huge Fall Out Boy mood lately. their new album came out on the 6th and i picked it up after work. it's really good. at first it didn't grab me like i thought it would (the way FUCT did) but when i tried to listen to something else the next day i realized that i had Infinity songs stuck in my head... so i popped that bitch back in my CD player and it hasn't come out since. i am such a sucker, but i find them fucking amazing. i have to join their fanclub: the Overcast Kids.

just got back from black alex's place. we did our first photo shoot together. it was definitely a rush. good times. we had fun and we'll be doing it again. i'm going to be one of the models he uses for the rest of the year. one of 5 so i'm happy! our next session should be the end of next month. can't wait. he's got some great idea's planned.

that's about it. my life is on the up-swing. i want to get back into Cam games. i miss them and i miss the camies. it was good times, i've just been so fucking busy living the rest of my damn life. *sigh*

i think that's all for new. love you guys... miss a great many of you. check out my myspace page for recent pics and hopefully by the end of the week i'll also have a couple of the shots from alex's shoot up... if he'll let me.

take it sleazy (or however you can get it),
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Current Music:"take me to your leader" incubus
Current Location:homizle
Subject:what if i had a mustard drenched cucumber tied to my leg... and i could not zip my pants together...
Time:04:06 pm
Current Mood:sleepysleepy
hello all,

had a great time at i-bar last night. thanks for all of you that came out. i didn't get the chance to take many pics, but here they are for everyone's amusement!

Your mother's under the lj-cutCollapse )

and that's all!
comments: 1 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"earth to bella" incubus
Current Location:apt B
Subject:before you swim you've got to be okay to sink...
Time:07:27 pm
Current Mood:excitedexcited

1) Fari is now the proud owner of Monty Phython's Flying Circus... start to finish, in it's entirety, four years of dry british Python-isms... the full Monty! Anyone care to join me in watching some of it? It's a great endeavor and neither of my roomates seem to want to watch it with me.

2) Next week is my birthday. Wednesday, December 20, 2006. Fari turns 22. It is a fun and joyous occasion and I'd like as many people as possible to come out. To make it simple I'll be attending I-Bar that night. For those that don't know (or don't remember) Wed is Goth night at I-Bar. $5 at the door. Doors at 10pm. $2 you call it's before midnight: wells, domestic, imports. Buying me drinks is MORE THAN welcome. ;-D

That is all for now. Python and partying. *sigh*

comments: 2 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"the fantasy" 30 seconds to mars
Current Location:county place
Subject:do you live... do you die... do you bleed... for the fantasy... say it... say it... say what you bel
Time:09:40 pm
We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easier to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

-brandon boyd...
comments: 1 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"sayonara" gackt
Current Location:home
Subject:sayonara... naiteta kinou made no boku... shizuka ni me o tojite...
Time:11:56 pm
Current Mood:sadsad
translation: "goodbye... myself who was crying until yesterday... quietly close your eyes..."

Steve Irwin died. The Crocodile Hunter is dead...

This story from the Orlando Sentinel website:

CAIRNS, AUSTRALIA -- Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and conservationist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray while filming off the Great Barrier Reef. He was 44.

Irwin was at Batt Reef, off the remote coast of northeastern Queensland state, shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest" when he swam too close to one of the animals, which have a poisonous barb on their tails, his friend and colleague John Stainton said.

"He came on top of the stingray and the stingray's barb went up and into his chest and put a hole into his heart," said Stainton, who was on board Irwin's boat at the time.

Crew members aboard the boat, Croc One, called emergency services in the nearest city, Cairns, and administered CPR as they rushed the boat to nearby Low Isle to meet a rescue helicopter. Medical staff pronounced Irwin dead when they arrived a short time later, Stainton said.

Irwin was famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchword "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter." First broadcast in Australia in 1992, the program was picked up by the Discovery network, catapulting Irwin to international celebrity.

He rode his image into a feature film, 2002's "The Crocodile Hunters: Collision Course" and developed the wildlife park that his parents opened, Australia Zoo, into a major tourist attraction.

"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!"'

Prime Minister John Howard, who hand-picked Irwin to attend a gala barbecue to honor President Bush when he visited in 2003, said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death."

"It's a huge loss to Australia," Howard told reporters. "He was a wonderful character. He was a passionate environmentalist. He brought joy and entertainment and excitement to millions of people."

Irwin, who made a trademark of hovering dangerously close to untethered crocodiles and leaping on their backs, spoke in rapid-fire bursts with a thick Australian accent and was almost never seen without his uniform of khaki shorts and shirt and heavy boots.

Wild animal expert Jack Hanna, who frequently appears on TV with his subjects, offered praise for Irwin.

"Steve was one of these guys, we thought of him as invincible," Hanna, director emeritus of the Columbus (Ohio) Zoo and Aquarium, told ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday.

"The guy was incredible. His knowledge was incredible," Hanna said. "Some people that are doing this stuff are actors and that type of thing, but Steve was truly a zoologist, so to speak, a person who knew what he was doing. Yes, he did things a lot of people wouldn't do. I think he knew what he was doing."

Irwin's ebullience was infectious and Australian officials sought him out for photo opportunities and to promote Australia internationally.

His public image was dented, however, in 2004 when he caused an uproar by holding his infant son in one arm while feeding large crocodiles inside a zoo pen. Irwin claimed at the time there was no danger to the child, and authorities declined to charge Irwin with violating safety regulations.

Later that year, he was accused of getting too close to penguins, a seal and humpback whales in Antarctica while making a documentary. Irwin denied any wrongdoing, and an Australian Environment Department investigation recommended no action be taken against him.

Stingrays have a serrated, toxin-loaded barb, or spine, on the top of their tail. The barb, which can be up to 10 inches long, flexes if a ray is frightened. Stings usually occur to people when they step on or swim too close to a ray and can be excruciatingly painful but are rarely fatal, said University of Queensland marine neuroscientist Shaun Collin.

Collin said he suspected Irwin died because the barb pierced under his ribcage and directly into his heart.

"It was extraordinarily bad luck. It's not easy to get spined by a stingray and to be killed by one is very rare," Collin said.

News of Irwin's death spread quickly, and tributes flowed from all quarters of society.

At Australia Zoo at Beerwah, south Queensland, floral tributes were dropped at the entrance, where a huge fake crocodile gapes. Drivers honked their horns as they passed.

"Steve, from all God's creatures, thank you. Rest in peace," was written on a card with a bouquet of native flowers.

"We're all very shocked. I don't know what the zoo will do without him. He's done so much for us, the environment and it's a big loss," said Paula Kelly, a local resident and volunteer at the zoo, after dropping off a wreath at the gate.

Stainton said Irwin's American-born wife Terri, from Eugene, Ore., had been informed of his death, and had told their daughter Bindi Sue, 8, and son Bob, who will turn 3 in December.

The couple met when she went on vacation in Australia in 1991 and visited Irwin's Australia Zoo; they were married six months later. Sometimes referred to as the "Crocodile Huntress," she costarred on her husband's television show and in his 2002 movie.

Sad day. What a drag. Goodbye Steve!!!
comments: 2 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"sexy back" justin timberlake
Current Location:in front of the idiot box...
Subject:haven't you people ever heard of... closing the goddamn door, no?...
Time:11:38 pm
Current Mood:hornyhorny
So yeah.

Hey all, sorry it's been forever and a day? Life's just been crazy in the past couple of months. Life's evening out. I finalized everything with USSA already so I'm in now. Shit's going well and I'm happy as hell about everything... but to the point of tonight's impromptu entry: the MTV VMA's!!!

So yeah. Oddly enough this was (imho) a great year for music. There was a good variety and a great many good selections made for the winners. Here's a short list of the really cool wins, all of which I'd like to note, I voted for. Which I thought was really cool that every selection I made was for a winner. ;-D

Video of the Year
"I Wirte Sins Not Tragedies" Panic at the Disco

Viewer's Choice
"Dance, Dance" Fall Out Boy

Best New Artist
"Bat Country" Avenged Sevenfold

Best Pop
"Stupid Girls" Pink

Best Rock
"Miss Murder" A.F.I.

Best Dance
"Buttons" Pussycat Dolls f/ Snoop Dogg

Best Hip Hop
"My Humps" Black Eyed Peas

Best R&B
"Check On It" Beyonce f/ Slim Thug & Bun B

Best Rap
"Ridin'" Chamillionaire

Best Group
"Move Along" The All-American Rejects

Best Female
"Because of You" Kelly Clarkson

Best Male
"You're Beautiful" James Blunt

Best Art Direction
"Dani California" Red Hot Chili Peppers

I would like to note one last little bit of bitter irony. More than 30 million people voted for the Viewer's Choice Award. That's about 6 million more people than voted for the Presidency last year...


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Current Music:"london lady" the stranglers (oddly enough)
Current Location:an empty room
Subject:"have you ever been to liverpool?..." i mean, "strange little girl... where are you going?..."
Time:12:01 am
Current Mood:streched thin
Strange Little Girl
by: the Stranglers

one day you see a strange little girl look at you
one day you see a strange little girl feeling blue

she'd run to the town one day
leaving home and the country fair
just beware
when you're there
strange little girl

she didn't know how to live in a town that was rough
it didn't take long before she knew she had enough
walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
and she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?

walking home in her wrapped up world
she survived but she's feeling old
cuz she found all things cold

strange little girl
where are you going?
do you know where you could be going?


happy three months to me,
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Current Music:"no more i love you's" annie lennox
Current Location:my new appartment in downtown orlando
Subject:changes are shifting outside the world...
Time:11:58 pm
Current Mood:sicksick
hey all,

long time, no shit, huh? i don't really have much to say that hasn't already been said. trying to get my life back on track. have a long list of really great plans to get that happening. let see what six months from now will say, hm? i gotta roll with the punches. now i'm living with shaun and josh brown.

shaun is in the same boat i am and he needs to get his shit together a little more than i do. health and education are importnant.

brown is one hell of a mover and shaker. i enjoy being around him b/c he's about as unholy as my father when it comes to his sense of humor, and he's no bullshit about getting shit done. it makes me happy because it makes me feel like a lot of the bright ideas he's coming up with might actually come to fruition one fine fucking day. but right now i've got some long term plans set up (which is a first in like three years) and i'm ready to get them rolling.

step one, get the mail key.
step two, kick this cold.
step three, take my class D security license certification.
step four, drive to the Thacker office.
step five, get a fucking job stationed at Lockheed Martin.......

and hope and pray that the fact i'm one half sand nigger, camel jockey, turbin head and the other have commi, rafter, spick... won't count against me. ;-D


now i'm going to go lie down next to my boyfriend and hopefully not wake up again until some time late tomorrow afternoon.

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Current Music:"schism" tool (it just happened to be on)
Current Location:new apartment on bumby (downtown)
Time:11:28 am
Current Mood:busybusy
i was just cleaning out my inbox and i found this... *giggles* i forgot i had it. i thought i'd share for all you gay bashers out there. lol.

comments: 3 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"schizm" tool
Current Location:my apartment
Subject:pure intention juxtaposed... will set two lovers souls in motion...
Time:12:24 am
Current Mood:happyhappy
hello all,

so i have a happier entry for you than the last one. i have a boyfriend now.

shaun and i have been together for a week now. things are fun. we've spent every day together since then and we're not bored of each other, which is always a good thing. i love having him around. he makes me happy.

i'm extremely comfortable around him... which is rare for me. i really see a long and happy relationship with this one. i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

beyond that, that's why i've been slightly out of touch this past week or so. yeah, about since i got back from so.fla. i hope everyone is doing gravy out there... and by the way shannon... i will call you eventually... i've been a little busy getting busy.

call me if you need me bitches!!!

comments: 3 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"vermillion pt 2" slipknot
Current Location:305
Subject:catch in my throat... choke... torn into pieces i won't... no... i don't wanna be this...
Time:01:56 am
Current Mood:crushedcrushed
i'm tired of this shit.
nothing is ever right.
nothing is ever good enough.
fuck it.
guess what?
she isn't real...

she seemed dressed in all of me
stretched across my shame
all the torment and the pain
leaked through and covered me
i'd do anything to have her to myself
just to have her for myself
now i don't know what to do
i don't know what to do
when she makes me sad

she is everything to me
the unrequited dream
a song that no one sings
the unattainable
she's a myth that i have to believe in
all i need to make it real
is one more reason
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to do
when she makes me sad

but i won't let this build up inside of me

catch in my throat
torn into pieces i won't
i don't wanna be this

but i won't let this build up inside of me

she isn't real
i can't make her real

la da da da...

comments: 3 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:"i'm deranged" david bowie
Current Location:the dinner table, my apartment
Subject:funny how secrets travel... i start to believe... if i were to bleed...
Time:06:34 am
Current Mood:amusedamused
So it's about time I posted something as I really haven't posted shit in a while. So here ya go. I got fired from After Hours last week, and that kinda sucked, compounded with the fact that I lost my damn car to a stupid ticket malfunction from a year ago. But I really don't care about all that jazz. I'm gonna go out on Monday and start with the shopping plaza that's down the street and apply for jobs there. Chances are at some point this week I'm gonna hop a ride with Casey to work and wander around the mall for a little while searching for a job there too. I'm willing to go back to the daycare center that I worked for a couple of days and ask them if they're still looking for camp counselors for their summer camp. The older kids I can handle, it's the diseases the younger ones carry that are a problem for me.

I'll probably be visiting my family next weekend. So for all you people in the 305 that still read my LJ (which is probably none of you) I'll be in town on Thursday night and be there until Sunday evening. But anyway. That's that.

On top of which, I'm sort of reveling in this opportunity to number 1) fix my Vampire stuff a little bit, I enjoy it and it's been drawing me back in the past few weeks with some really fun shit in the works. Number 2) this has given me the perfect opportunity to get back to working on the business as Casey and I have just been way too over-worked, way too tired, and had no computer with which to do so. Now the computer is back, the files are fine, and we can start working again... and I intend to!

So yeah, beyond that shit is groovy. Went to Sarasota this weekend, my plan for hitting up as many domains as possibly is working fairly well. I've hit Tampa, Sarasota, and Port Charlotte. I need Fort Myers, Gainesville, Ocala, Ft. Lauderdale, and Pensacola. I can safely weed out P-cola as too far away for a one-nighter, and the game in Ft. Lauderdale really isn't worth rubbing to brain cells together to be in character there (sorry to any Ft.L players but your domain is kinda not visitor friendly). So yeah, three down, three to go, one month to do it in... shit I'm just gonna have to start making shit up *giggles*.

But had fun, played in Tampa last week and Sarasota this week and managed to lose two levels of humanity in that week. I went from a 7 to a 5 really fast and it amuses the piss out of me. I'm gonna have to read-up on how to play a humanity 5 vampire. This is gonna be really fucking fun though.

So yeah, now that I've gone on and on about my life and stupid shit. I'm gonna go on some more private tie raids about my personal life that y'all are not fucking privy to. Love you all out there in cyberland.

comments: 6 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Current Music:some song in arabic that i love... thank you jake!!!
Current Location:477G
Subject:*strange arabic music*
Time:12:55 am
Current Mood:drunkdrunk
pardon the spelling errors that are almost sure to pop up, i'm a little drunk.

hey all, sorry i haven't updated in a little while. shit's sorta gone a little south in the past couple of weeks, but no worries! i'm keeping strong, trudging on! ;-D

i went out with my dad tonight. he came up for a job fair at UCF tomorrow (or would that be today), and we went out to dinner at Hoolihans (sp?) then went to Underground Bluz. it was fun, i'm a little more drunk than i anticipated i would be tonight. *giggles* but it was fun. i had a great time, it's always good to see my papa. he's such a big softie in the end.

hopefully next week i'll be able to go with jake down south on thursday to go see my familia. that'll be fun. my dad and i talked about my little brother tonight and how he's gotta get his shit together and get driving and create a portfolio for college. he'll probably study art or something. that would be great! he's just gotta start getting his shit together.

i'm hoping that he can come and visit me for a week or so over the summer. i know my aunt is gonna come to town over the summer and they're going to DC for a couple of weeks, maybe i can go spend time with them for that, if only a weekend or something.

i also realize that the more i think about it, the more likely it seems in my mind that i could probably get away with calling my aunt and living with her for a good six months or so. i mean, i could honestly move in with her and get a job or something. it would force me to speak more spanish and i would get to see Europe. i wonder...

but these are just dreams...

wait a fucking minute. screw that hippie shit, i can do this! i just gotta plan. hm.

oh well, i'm gonna go drink lots of water and think about this logically and see if there's any way for me to actually accomplish this in the next couple of years or so. maybe even sooner.

love, peace, and chicken grease,
comments: 1 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

Subject:warning lable
Time:06:08 pm
fairyqueenmab is radioactive. Wear protective clothing at all times.


From Go-Quiz.com
comments: 8 grew accustomed to despair! Will you continue to love? Share

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